Relationship Goals: The Framework

Relationship Framework

This series on Relationships is meant to help us avoid painful pitfalls with those we love. We’re doing it by studying the life of an Old Testament figure named Abraham. His story speaks to all of our stories, no matter the season of life you’re in. 

Last week, we covered some principles that work for every relationship. In a couple weeks I will talk about Parenting. Today, I want to unpack a message for those who are living in a SINGLE SEASON. 

Sixty-one percent of adults (18+) in the US are unmarried. This demographic is a diverse group of ages, backgrounds, and stories. Too often, being single is portrayed as a problem, but from a scriptural perspective, God, in His wisdom, chose to give every human being in history a “single” season because it is so valuable. It may be the most important season in our development because scripture says the prerequisite for loving anyone else is learning to love yourself.

Although some people are called to a single life, research shows nearly 90% want to get married. If so many want to be married, why are so many people waiting so long to get married? In short, I believe the reason is that the transition from singleness to marriage is more difficult than ever before. The dating culture that is built on algorithms and scams, overvaluing sex and undervaluing friendship, bad dates and shallow people, confusion that comes from trying to make progress but having no commitment, and a low grade fear of an unsuccessful marriage all contribute to the delay.

But, finding love doesn’t have to be dysfunctional. God cares about every part of your life… including your love life. He can deliver you to His destination! His word will enlighten you. His grace will sustain you and His spirit will lead you so that you arrive at your next season healthy, happy, and whole!

In Genesis 24, Abraham was coming to the end of his life and realized his son was almost 40 and still single! This was no small issue because whoever Isaac married would be at the center of God’s plan to birth a nation. In this passage, I see a framework for finding love successfully!

1. Don’t date ALONE. The very first thing you notice about Issacs’s process is that it wasn’t Issacs’ process alone. He had a group of godly people helping him. Marriage is when TWO become ONE, but the best marriages include more people than two. Multiple people were active in Isaac’s case as ‘scouts’ who looked for potential partners, as ‘gatekeepers’ who ensured the pace never got out of control, and as ‘counselors’ who provided a place to process feelings. Please note: If you are avoiding input and help, this should be a SIGN! Check in with parents, mature, godly friends, and your pastor! The idea of including a whole group of people in making your decision to date may not seem normal. But from what I see, normal is not working. We don’t want normal results, we want God-results! 

2. Don’t omit GOD’S VOICE. One of my favorite parts of this story is that Issacs’s servant was not looking for a girl. He was looking for God’s will. That’s why he made prayer central to the process. 

Prayer is not as shallow as leaving God a daily voice memo of things we’d like Him to do. Real, biblical prayer isn’t about what God does for us – but what He does in us! It’s about tuning our heart toward Him. The most important part of prayer is NOT speaking, but listening. Rebekah wasn’t the only woman the servant saw, but she was the one God’s spirit highlighted. When we make prayer a priority – which is simply asking the Lord to speak and then tuning your ear to Him - He will guide you through the process. 

3. Don’t sacrifice CHARACTER. The Bible is clear that Rebekah had a beautiful appearance, but it expounds much more on the contents of her character. Rebekah was…

  • Productive - The servant asked for a drink, and she offered to water his camels. This girl was not afraid to work!
  • Presentable - She was well dressed, looked the servant in the eye, and was able to carry on a conversation. You’re dating who the person is and NOT the POTENTIAL they have. How do they treat their family, the waitress, their co-workers, or friends? How do they talk about themselves? How are they growing? Do they lie? Do they overcommit? It is all telling you something! 
  • Pleasant under Pressure - For 500 gallons, Rebekah remained servant-hearted. She never lost her temper, never complained, never cut a corner. It is important to date long enough to see the other person in the good times and bad times, when things are great and when they are not. When you choose a spouse, you are not only choosing a friend, lover, or mate – you are also choosing someone to share the worst moments of your life with. And as you know, the worst moments usually bring out the worst in us, so choose someone who welcomes the work of God’s spirit, someone who’s worst is still better than most people’s best. Choose someone with character. 

4. Don’t dismiss COMPATIBILITY. Compatibility means my partner and I pursue the same thing – God and his mission for our lives! Rebekah was committing to leave the familiar, carry God’s promise and follow His calling. This is what I call ‘the POWER of the PULL.’ BEFORE you LINK UP your life with someone, know where they are going! Those who pull toward God’s word and toward His mission have considerably stronger marriages because they’re finding satisfaction, confidence, and identity in Him. Finding someone who is passionately pursuing God may be the most important rule of them all! 

So, HOW to find them? Become one of them. It's the law of probability. If I want to find someone living for God’s glory, I’m most likely to do it living for God’s glory! This is why Matthew 6:33 says, "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."



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Do The Thing!

Do The Thing!

We are gearing up for Palm Sunday and Easter. Last week we learned to simply say, “You should come to church with me this Sunday.” Today, I want to challenge you, don’t hesitate. Just do it. Have you been that person who is so awkward about inviting someone to church? You don’t have an issue inviting them to other things. Inviting them to church is no different. It’s a step of faith. Chances are they are wondering why you’ve never said anything. They already know you go to church every Sunday! Invite them! Do the thing. They’re dying for you to invite them. They are literally dying. They need to know Jesus. What better way to love them than to introduce them to Jesus. Their relationship with Jesus will be a perfect match most definitely made in heaven. 

Evangelism is not apologetics or conversion. It’s not a certain personality or gifting even, although there are those that easily evangelize. We are all called to evangelism. It’s simply sharing the gospel by teaching them about Jesus or through our personal witness/story. You can engage in evangelism digitally. Invite them to view our YouTube channel or invite them to church via Instagram. Don’t wait to build relational equity. Grab a printed invitation from your chair and distribute it. Keep in mind, the heart behind all of this is that people need Jesus.They need you to show them the way to Jesus. People won’t always be able to hear the Holy Spirit’s voice. But they can hear yours. God's primary way of reaching people is through you.

Do the thing! Invite your friends. Knock on their door. It's not aggressive. It's love. Don't let the enemy throw you off. Remember, preparing to do the thing is not doing the thing. Scheduling time for it is not doing the thing. Telling people about planning to do the thing is not doing the thing. Do the thing! Do what God is telling you to do. Have you known them for a while and never invited them to church? Embrace the challenge. Here are a few things that will help you.

Pray for the lost specifically. Ask the Holy Spirit to illuminate the people He has for you to invite. Jesus prayed first before identifying his disciples. Pray for Him to show you who needs a loving touch. Who needs prayer? Who can you minister to? Who and when should you talk to them? Acts 1:8 tells us that we have power to be witnesses through the Holy Spirit. The disciples gathered for prayer before going out. Jesus, even on the cross, prayed for his executioners and enemies. Pray for the Holy Spirit to empower you. Your job is to invite and pray for them. Ask God to go before you and pave the way. Did you know even in scientific studies, regular attendance of religious services reduces the rate of mortality due to despair? Women who went to church more than one time per week had 33% healthier results in all areas of health. Going to church is good for you. 

Healing and wholeness is found in Jesus. Do you have friends who are struggling? They need church. Invite them. Think of people who invited you and walked through your faith life with you. Do you love them enough to introduce them to Jesus? Someone has been praying, possibly for years, for the person you’re going to invite. Do the thing.

Proclaim the gospel. With opposition, the disciples preached the gospel. They didn’t study and talk about doctrine and spend time comparing religions. They just went out proclaiming the gospel. Speak life to people. Don’t focus on yourself. Focus on those whom God places in your path. You don’t have to go alone. It is easier to go with another. Go with a group. Practice evangelism. Do it over and over again. Get past the barriers that keep you from evangelizing. Romans 10:15 says you can only preach when you are sent, beautiful are the feet of him who brings good news. Feet carry the gospel - good news, salvation, good tidings that Jesus has paid for our sins and made a way for us to come into God’s presence without reservation. Jesus' feet were beautiful as ours are when we carry the gospel. The authority, power and gifting to witness is in us but the willingness is our choice. Consult with the Holy Spirit and then do what He says.

Persevere in teaching and example. Not everyone wants to hear what you have to say. Remember, getting them to believe is not your job. As we lift Jesus up, He draws people to Himself. Share your faith and then ask sincere questions out of genuine interest. Give them your testimony. Everyone is welcome. After you’ve shared, don’t grow weary. Jesus didn’t stop. Not everyone will accept. Dust it off and move on to the next. If they aren’t open to coming to church, invite them to a small group or coffee. Create a space for coming and being a part. 

There’s a story of a man who was on his way home from work. As he got in the elevator, he felt the Holy Spirit was directing him to go back and talk to one of his co-workers. He knew the guy was an atheist but he obeyed and got out of the elevator to invite him to church. After his invitation was rejected, he asked the Lord about it - perplexed at the clear directive he’d received even though the guy was emphatically not interested. Five years later, the man had taken a position at his church as a pastor. After his sermon one Sunday, a man came forward and told him that he was the reason he was in church. He had been a janitor and had overheard the invitation to the atheist. He’d heard the gospel and had become an active follower of Christ as a result. You may never fully understand why God asks you to do something. Just do it. Go and share. People are lost and messy but God cares for each of them. Do not wait or hesitate. Galatians 6:9 exhorts us not to grow weary. Keep training. Keep teaching. Keep reaching out. Even though they have said no, invite them one more time. Don’t grow weary.

Patiently wait on God. 1 Timothy 2:4-5 teaches that there is one God and one Mediator who can reconcile God and humanity—the man Christ Jesus. Does the possibility of a positive response from that person you are praying for seem hopeless? The power is in God's plan, so wait on Him. 

Pray for the lost, proclaim the good news, persevere and patiently wait. Jesus is the mediator. He’s the go between. A real relationship with Jesus changed your life. Give them an opportunity to experience this change. Go out and as you hear the Holy Spirit direct you, do what He tells you to do. Invite them into a relationship with Jesus. Invite them to church this Easter. Do the thing.

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Rock and Role

Rock and Role

Today is Palm Sunday. If it’s Palm Sunday, why are there a bunch of rocks on the scene in the biblical account instead of palm trees?   What do palm trees and rocks have in common? Let’s go back to that first Palm Sunday.

In Luke 19, Dr. Luke describes Jesus’ entrance into Jerusalem.  “When he reached the place where the road started down the Mount of Olives, all of his followers began to shout and sing as they walked along, praising God for all the wonderful miracles they had seen.” The people were shouting, praising God and waving palm branches. Waving palm branches was a sign of victory. Do you know, in Christ, you are already victorious? This day was a parade, a celebration. The people thought Jesus was coming to claim his throne, but Jesus was on the way to his death, the crucifixion. However victory was his. He rose again the next Sunday. Thank God! And he’s still alive today. 

As the noisy crowd progressed along the route, haters and whiners (a.k.a. Pharisees) came and told Jesus to get the crowd under control. They did not want people to praise him. But Jesus told them, “If they kept quiet, the stones along the road would burst into cheers!“ If you don’t acknowledge Jesus, the rocks will cry out. 

You are meant to be part of this parade. We’re supposed to be crying out. Jesus was and is the center of our worship. We raise our hands like palm branches in thanksgiving and worship. What makes you cry out or get excited? It’s March Madness right now. Does basketball get you excited enough to cry out? If you don’t cry out for Jesus, a rock will take your role. (Rock n role…get it?) We are made to cry out. Don’t let a rock take your place. Make Jesus the center of your parade, give him glory and honor. Worship him with all that is within you.

What is worship? Worship is an expression of your love. We’re made to worship and he doesn’t want us to waste our worship on things that aren’t important. Don’t cry out and celebrate at a basketball game and then come to church and stand like a statue waiting for worship to be over. Make Jesus the center of your life and celebrate him! 

The passage in Luke 19, verse 41 tells us Jesus started to weep. Why was he weeping? He was weeping over the hardness of the hearts of people. God was there in the midst but he knew they would be turning their back on him. People matter to God. And because they matter to God, they matter to us. Have you shed tears over souls? Have you known the joy of someone you have prayed for coming to know Jesus? Jesus was shedding tears for souls. He wanted them to know his love and care. 

If you continue to read over what happened the next week, the rocks did cry out. When Jesus died, the earth shook. Rocks were rocking. Tombs were opened and risen saints went around praising God. Don’t let a rock take your role. In our culture today, the church has stayed quiet on so many things.  Speak up! We need to tell the truth now. Don’t be quiet. God has changed your life. Declare what he’s done. Where would you be if it weren’t for Jesus? I never would’ve made it. One of the ways we can worship is by telling others what he’s done in our life. Live your life in a way that bears witness, but speak up as well. This week, ask people to come to church with you.  Who can you invite? 

Why did Jesus choose rocks to take on the role of praise if the people didn’t praise him? There are a lot of places in the Bible that talk about rocks. When Joshua crossed the Jordan with the children of Israel, the priests led them into the flood-stage river with the Ark of the Covenant and it dried up to let them pass through. As a memorial, they pulled rocks from the dry river bed and set them up on the opposite bank to testify how God brought them through.  What if one of those rocks could talk? It would say “Take a step, have faith. God will be with you. David pulled smooth stones from the valley to fight Goliath. What if that rock could talk? It might say, “No matter how big the giant is, God’s got you.” Nehemiah rebuilt the wall around Jerusalem with rocks while battling the enemy. Those rocks might say “You can do it. God will fight the battle. No weapon formed against you will prosper!” There was the woman caught in adultery and subject to being stoned with rocks. Jesus challenged those who were poised to kill her, “If you’ve never sinned you throw the rock.” Those rocks might have said, “God is forgiving. His grace is sufficient. He  gives you mercy and grace.” Moses hit the rock in the desert and water poured out. That rock might have said, “God will nourish you even in your desert season.” 

Think about the rock at the tomb, the one that was rolled away. It could give testimony of God’s resurrection power saying, “He’s alive! He is the King of kings and the Lord of lords. Do you know him?” 

Next weekend is Easter. It is a celebration and a time where so many people will give God a look, a chance. I’m praying that this week we will have an open door, that we will take advantage of an opportunity to tell someone or invite someone to come with us to church,  to tell someone the difference God made in our life. Be a hope dealer. Let them know where they can get hope. 

Jesus is the Rock of ages. Build your life on the Rock knowing that the storms can come and the winds can blow, but your foundation is solid. Have you received Jesus in your life? Today you can make Jesus your rock.



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Power of The invite

Power of The Invite

I love my church! Do you love your church? Easter season is coming up and at MCC, we have provided special invitation cards for you to invite people. Think about who you’re giving your invitation to. 

Have you ever gone to an event where there was an exclusive invitation list? You have to be "someone" to be invited, or you have to attend with someone who is "someone". At a function like that, there’s power in who you are with. I was nearly turned away at an event like that once but, the person who invited me saw I had arrived and began introducing me to people around the room. Because of the person I was with, I belonged. This is the power of Invitation. 

Invitations come in many forms - formal, informal, intimate, public, corporate, private. Regardless of how the invitation comes, it means you’re wanted. You belong. People want you included, to join them on an important day. 

Did you know an invitation can change your life? At the beginning of every job, I have always looked for a person to minister to. At one job, I met an atheist at the very beginning of my time there. I committed to building relationship and poured my life into him. Finally after many invitations from me, he came to church one day on Easter. That day, the church conducted a survey that asked people where they stood in their belief in Jesus. My friend answered that he didn’t believe and never planned on believing. I continued to declare salvation for him and to pray for him. Finally, there came a day when he realized his need for God. Those invitations I had extended were invitations that changed his life and his family's life. You can change the world with an invite. 

In Matthew 28:19, Jesus told his disciples to go and make disciples. Invitation is wrapped up in this command. Where does most discipleship happen? Discipleship happens in the church. Where did you get saved? Most people get saved in the church. People get saved and discipled more so in the church than any other organization, anywhere, for all time. 

With invitation to church in mind, how should you invite someone? It’s so easy. Here’s what you say, “You should come to church with me this Sunday.” Look for the conversational trigger. Listen for statements like “Things are not going well,” or “I’m not prepared for this” (whether they’re talking about a test or a surgery). How about, “I’m not from around here” or “I’m new in town.” We can pack out church by issuing invitations to those who give us an open door in normal conversation. 

In Matthew 4:18-22 Jesus called Andrew and Simon, James and John to become fishers of men. Jesus was the best “inviter”. He was intentional, he was an “includer” motivated by love and compassion. At one point, he told his disciples he needed to go through Samaria (to a population that was considered “less than”). It was a place you would not dare to go. But his confidence was in God and he knew he had God’s strength working in and through him. We have power to be the church in the world, in those places we would not otherwise be inclined to go. In Samaria, Jesus reached out to a woman who was the lowest of the low, rejected and ridiculed. She was a person who chose extreme discomfort in order to avoid others, coming to draw water in the heat of the day. Jesus offered living water to her and she was transformed into the greatest evangelist of that time and place. One invitation changed hundreds of lives.

Jesus set this expectation with his disciples and he sets it for you. He didn’t just call you to attend church and enjoy worship and a good word every week. He called you to become a fisher of men. Find those who are far from God so they can hear the name by which they can be saved and invite them. Where can they find freedom? Church! There is a place for them. There’s a place for everyone in the kingdom of God. 

You have a unique calling. God chose you. In his divine, perfect will, he provided for you to be where you are in this season, in this place. God created you intentionally, wonderfully and carefully. Fish for those around you. Make a difference. You may ask “What can I do?” Pray and seek God's face. Then invite people to “Come and see”. Say it with me, “You should come to church with me this Sunday.”

Anyone can catch fish. Be intentional when you fish. Fishing requires patience. Sometimes the fish aren’t biting. Don’t stop inviting. Don’t stop praying. Praise the Lord and ask for laborers. Say, “That’s me!!” He’s called me to be a laborer. Jesus says, “You’ve seen me do it. Now you do it.” Let’s do it together with Him. Compel them to come. Easter is the perfect time to Bring Your Peeps.

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Experiencing Easter

Experiencing Easter

Happy Easter! This is a day of celebrating Jesus’ resurrection from the dead, but I want you to know that the power that it took to get Jesus out of that grave was not a one time thing. In the same way that God raised Jesus from the dead, he will give life to the mortal things, the dead things, in your life. This is good news because our hope is that Easter would be more than just a celebration. The resurrection of Jesus gives you the power to close the gap between the life you are living, and the life you could live. So, what is your next step? 

We know that Jesus died on the cross, was crucified and put in the tomb, and then three days later rose again. But why three days? It was because, in the death and burial on Friday, the waiting and uncertainty on Saturday and the resurrection on Sunday, he was showing us the process. Jesus modeled how we are to live our lives in every season and circumstance. 

Friday - The Day of Pain: Jesus experienced this day of pain, and many others, so that he could help you through your pain. Are you in pain today? Let me show you the kind of pain that Jesus endured.

The first one is physical pain. Maybe your body is in pain. The problem with hurting bodies is that it gets into your spirit, and can mess with you so that you lose hope. Jesus gets it because he experienced it himself.

He experienced emotional pain. He was despised and rejected, betrayed by those close to him. I know there are some people reading that are feeling rejected. You are dealing with sickness of the soul, possibly depression. Jesus knows this pain.

Jesus dealt with relational pain. If you are single, he knows what it’s like. He knows what it’s like to be tempted as a single. The Bible said he was tempted on all points and yet never sinned. Maybe you have pain from your marriage relationship. He was single on this earth, but the Bible calls us, as the church, the bride of Christ. He is the groom. Not only does he know what it’s like to be married, but he knows what it’s like for his wife to cheat on him. We have all done that. He was rejected and disbelieved by his own family. His brothers and sisters weren’t all in. He was on his own without their support. Can you imagine how that felt to him? 

Why am I telling you all this? There’s a lesson that I want you to see. I want you to see that God knows how to flip the script. He put purpose in the pain. I don’t believe he gives you the pain, but he will take it and use it. There is no pain that his purpose cannot redeem.  

Saturday - The Day of Confusion: Did you ever think about the fact that the disciples were not sitting around on the next day, saying, “Well, just one more day and it’s Easter.” The Bible says that they got so depressed and confused on that day, that they went back to their old patterns. It was a season of waiting, terrible uncertainty. In this season, you know you’ve had pain, and you know there is promise, but it’s not happening and you feel stuck. You want answers, feeling that even if God doesn’t fix it, you need to know why you had to go through this. In confusion, we begin to doubt. Some of you have been in church so long that you don’t even think it’s real anymore because you’re stuck in a Saturday of your life. 

When we are really stuck, we tend to give up.  One disciple gave up so much that he actually committed suicide, and one of the greatest disciples, Peter, decided to quit the ministry and go back to fishing. Being stuck can cause us to feel alone. If you’re experiencing these things, you may be stuck in Saturday.

When you need to get out of confusion, scripture and life tell us to get close to God. When you think he’s far away, get into worship and draw near to him. I’ve learned to become totally satisfied that I will get all my answers when I see him face-to-face. But I trust him in this life. There is no confusion that his presence cannot calm.

Sunday - The Day of Resurrection: The things that you thought were dead can be resurrected. If the first day is pain (war), and the second day is confusion (waiting), the third day is resurrection (winning). I want you to know, you are just one sunrise away from your miracle and your whole life turning around.

You say, “OK Dave, how do I get that one?” The answer to this is found in one word, and that word is, “JESUS”! He is the one person that can take your life and turn it around, taking those dead areas of your life and resurrecting them. Come on church!!!   

He doesn’t just offer resurrection. He is Resurrection.  “I am [Myself] the Resurrection and the Life. Whoever believes in (adheres to, trusts in, and relies on) Me, although he may die, yet he shall live; And whoever continues to live and believes in (has faith in, cleaves to, and relies on) Me shall never [actually] die at all. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26 AMPC). You do not have to stay in the Friday or the Saturday of life, because there is no death that his power cannot resurrect.

Paul said, ”I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead.” Paul had some Fridays and Saturdays going on in his life too. “I want to suffer with him [FRIDAY], sharing in his death [SATURDAY], so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead! [SUNDAY]” (Philippians 3:10-11 NLT).

But you can’t have any of it without knowing Christ. This is not head knowledge but actually intimate knowing. Jesus is your answer, today and everyday. He desires a real, daily, active relationship with you. 

Father, I pray right now for people who are contemplating a step. They’re tired of the gap and they’re ready to go from where they are to where they could be. Lord, I ask that you would give them the courage to believe. Help them with their unbelief and move them across that line of faith. Pray this prayer if you are ready, “Thank you for sending your son to die in my place. Today I ask you to forgive me for living my life without you Jesus. Take my life. I surrender everything to you. Be the Lord of my life. I want to live for you with all of my heart. I give you my life.” 

If you prayed this prayer, please let Motor City Church know by completing an online Connect Card. We will send you some online resources that will help you as you begin this journey of resurrection living. 

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